Three years ago we took Chloe to college. After getting her
settled in her dorm room, we went to the VCU bookstore to buy some gear to show
support for our college girl. I picked out a hoodie with the VCU Arts logo.
Gray got a t-shirt in black and gold. And Luke picked out a hat. Not just any hat,
though. The hat he picked said, “VCU Dad”. We laughed whole-heartedly at his choice,
but we also laughed with a reverence of solidarity. Reverence in knowing that
someone important was missing on this momentous day. And in solidarity knowing
that no matter what, we were in this together.
There will never be an important event where we don’t notice
his absence. And wonder what it would be like if he was still here. The
grieving doesn’t end, and it’s in these big moments that it screams in your face:
SOMEONE IS MISSING. As a mother of fatherless children, the grief is deep. The
pain at knowing and seeing and your children’s suffering is bottomless, wishing
for them that their father was around to cheer them on, too. But there is
always light to be found in the dark. There is light in seeing them rise up, in
spite of, and because of their loss. The pride in seeing them turn a difficult
situation into laughter. Not as a deflection, but as a statement: “We are okay.”
So, in a day and a half, we will be dropping Luke off at
VCU. It is bittersweet for sure, as any parent knows, to send your child off
into the big wide world after nurturing them and holding them close for so
long. This boy of mine will be dearly missed. He is a beacon of light to anyone
who knows him. I have truly been blessed to be his mother and to watch him
shine. And now the hat and the title of “VCU Dad” will be passed on to Gray. We
may be small, but we are mighty. We are in this together.
