This is a short essay to all of those very bad women out
there who have ever had the shit beat out of them by their husbands. And even though you are intelligent women,
and strong women, and educated, independent women, he might still be able to
make you feel like it is completely your fault that he beat the shit out of you. You might really truly believe that it is
your fault. And he is so sure that the
beating was your fault that he may threaten to just up and leave in the
morning, because you are such a bad person.
So then you apologize vehemently for whatever it was that you did that
caused the beating because you just want things to be okay.
And you probably won’t tell a single soul about it. Because it is very embarrassing to you that
you are such a bad person that you made your husband so upset that he beat the
shit out of you. And you might find it
very curious that nobody mentions your black eye or the cut across your nose or
the bruises on your arms and legs. And that makes it even more embarrassing
because you can tell that they are embarrassed for you. So even if it only happens once, or maybe
even only twice over a number of years, you might want to take a look at
things. Things may not be okay. And you may want to stop kidding yourself
that they are. And believe me, I know as
well as you do that we all just want things to be okay. And because we want things to be okay we may go
way out of our way to make them seem like they are okay. To ourselves and to everyone else as well.
But I’m just saying, you may want to reevaluate things because
this type of behavior should get your Spidey Senses tingling. And you just may want to talk to a trusted
friend about it. Or find a counselor who
will listen. Because you listen to me
all you smart, strong, kind, intelligent women.
It is not okay for anyone to ever
beat the shit out of you. Not even your
husband.
YES! Domestic violence is so insidious, not because of the physical acts of it, but because of the incredibly dehumanizing it does. It transforms strong, powerful, beautiful women, into a mind set of fear, humiliation, and shame for doing absolutely nothing wrong. That inner voice part is so powerful that you talk about, because that is what abuse does to a person... it buries the inner voice so far down, we truly believe that we cannot get out of it, and don't deserve to. The gut is what I call it.... in everything in life, if your gut feels wrong about it, then it is probably wrong.
ReplyDeleteits not even okay for him to threaten it. and it is never your fault. Shame is a tool that weak people learn to use against patient and kind people. We sisters need to stop covering up the darkness and excusing it with falsehoods that prop up the appearance that every is okay. And we will raise our sons differently as well. thank you for speaking up.
ReplyDeleteYou are right. NEVER okay. GRRRRRRR!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is so powerfully written, Suz, although I hate to learn there is a reason behind your power. Love you lots and lots.
ReplyDelete